I first met my ex-boyfriend while a sophomore in college & he was a senior.  We first started as BUDDIES but our relationship quickly blossomed & we had a relationship for nearly 5 years.  After graduation & entering the real world of a lack luster job, our relationship began to get very rocky for several reasons.  Just before our 5 year mark, I asked for time off.  We both were not happy individually or together.  I was hoping the time apart would allow us to work on our personal issues & solidify our relationship.

Fast forward to a year & half later, after not being with one another physically, it happened.  I prided myself in not engaging in a physical relationship because I knew where it would lead.  Exactly where I am today….confused & wanting to be back with my college sweetheart whom I still wanted to be with before getting physical again).  We have discussed the possibility of getting back together but he’s reluctant to give us a second shot.  He often says he regrets having broken up & wishes we could have worked it out.  I figured I was doing what was best for both of us at the time by asking for the break.  I’d rather have a faithful boyfriend then one who’s running around behind my back. I believe he is the one & he even says that he still gets that weird funny feeling/butterflies when I come around.  I get the same feeling, which is strange after having been with each other for so long that we still feel like it’s the first date.  I say it’s chemistry, love & passion.  I don’t get that feeling around other men.  I have decided to let it go even though it hurts & killing me to do so.  I want him to realize what I believe to already know…we are meant to be.  I asked if we can begin dating each other again, but he’s reluctant to do so, thinking in the back of his mind things will be how they used to be.  We both have changed & grew over the time we are apart…things can’t be the same.

Is there any advice you can give so that I can get back in his inner circle & possibly see if we can make it work the second time around.

Sincerely,

College Sweetheart

Sweetie:

It sounds like this guy is definitely worth pursuing, but its going to be hard if he is sticking to his guns about not getting involved again. There may be a way to ease yourself back into his good graces by simply being a friend. Maintain contact with him daily and plan fun things for you guys to do together.  You may even double date to really prove that there is no pressure.  What this will do is allow you to spend time together and get more confident in relating to one another without the added pressure of working on a romantic relationship.  Give it a month or two and then check in with your feelings and his to see if all of this friendly time has sparked any romantic interests. Be prepared for him to still say no because some people are very definitive when a relationship ends. If all else fails, you may be willing to try online dating.  Here is a site that ranks head and shoulders above the rest. Click Here
– L