Tag: marriage

  • Al Scales Reynolds: Opening Up About ‘Life After’ Messy Marriage

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    Al Scales Reynolds: Opening Up About 'Life After' Messy Marriage

    The one and only Al Scales Reynolds is a featured celebrity notable on TV One’s much buzzed about docu-series ‘Life After,’ which explores the past, present and future hopes of some of black America’s most intriguing bold-faced names.

    The eight-episode, half-hour series — which feature candid profiles on Omarosa Manigault Stallworth, Taimak, Eva Marcille and Daryl “Chill” Mithcell, respectively — is part biography, part confessional and an overall celebration of the human spirit.

    Though the former husband of Star Jones isn’t a SAG card-carrying thespian (like the aforementioned actors and reality TV stars), his short-lived marriage to and messy divorce from a former TV personality has presented many public and professional challenges for the former Wall Street power broker. He has had more than his fair share of tabloid fodder and wants to set the record straight about any misconceptions and misrepresentations.

    Reynolds exclusively offered Blackvoices.com some insight on why he chose to do ‘Life After’ – in his very own words.

    When I decided I did not want to be married any more, the truth is I had no idea how it was all going to play out. The one thing I knew was that I did not want to do it any longer–not one extra day with how bad it had gotten.

    I knew it was going to be a long road to recovery, but I was ready because I’d had enough, enough of the lies and deceit that existed in my life. It was becoming harder and harder to wake up and be satisfied with the face that stared back at me in the mirror.
    I would like to set the record straight: I am not one who advocates divorce. That would be the furthest from the truth, but I am one who advocates happiness and moral responsibility. You see, before I got married, I was a private banker at the world headquarters of one of the most prestigious white-glove financial firms in the world. I had a client list that read like a who’s who of fashion, sports, design and education. I lived downtown in The Ritz Carlton Residence, and I was well on my way to realizing all the dreams I had envisioned for myself. I studied at some of the most prestigious universities and colleges in the country.

    This all was the experience of a “country boy” from Virginia who started out in a mobile home in Horsepasture, Virginia, and ended up living in a penthouse in Manhattan.

    I managed to defy every single statistic that existed in my era and pushed forward to become what many define today as a success. And guess what, it was not overnight. It was after 25 years of schooling, 12 years of work experience and 33 years of living. It was after three career changes and dozens of setbacks, failures and disappointments.

    To accomplish all of that and wake up to find myself in a high-profile marriage that led to what felt like the raping of my character, integrity and namesake was a problem.

    How did all of this occur in what felt like a matter of seconds and why was it happening to me? That’s what I found myself thinking about. I would frequently wonder when I heard or read anything about myself who the tabloids were they talking about?

    Whether anyone wants to admit it or not, what I’ve experienced and how I’ve been misrepresented in the media is a real-life tragedy. And before now, I didn’t feel comfortable enough to say it and say it out loud. Now, I want to be very clear, I am not looking for sympathy. I only want to take responsibility for any part I had to play in this.

    But at the same time, I want the respect that I worked so hard to obtain. How come, within the blink of an eye, people started questioning my sexuality? How come after all that I worked hard to achieve, I was being called a freeloader, a kept man or a fraud?

    It was with caution that I originally took the call from TV One Network. Most of the calls I had received from most networks — and you name it, they’ve called — were not interested in showing who or what I was really about. They were interested in me living out the caricature that was so vividly portrayed.

    TV One approached me about showing the world what I was doing now, using my voice as the platform. Finally, I thought, someone who was interested in exploring who the real Al Reynolds was and not who the media had made me out to be.

    The producers said they were only interested in doing socially responsible programming that would allow me to just be me. They were interested in following me mentoring young adults, teaching my personal finance and leadership courses at the university, helping everyday Americans with their financial problems, writing financial articles, doing financial television commentary and exploring the road I have traveled from early childhood to the present.

    I felt that ‘Life After’ was finally a project in which I could showcase who I really am, with no scripts, no red carpets, no paparazzi, no endorsements — just the real deal.

    The show represents pushing through whatever challenges or obstacles you are experiencing in your life and persevering. It is the” life” you forge “after” your adversity.

    This project represents to me the closing of a chapter in my life, as well the beginning of a new and exciting one, one that is filled with giving back to my community, which is thirsting for help in mentoring and motivating in order to achieve and overcome adversity.

    It’s the beginning of embracing the entertainment side of my life. I look forward to having a much greater touch by writing, commentating and developing socially responsible projects for everyone to be inspired and uplifted.

    Reclaiming my name, my identity and my voice back is the most rewarding and best part. From the bottom of my heart to the tip top of my head, I still say to any and everyone listening: What doesn’t kill you definitely makes you stronger!

    ‘Life After: Al Reynolds’ premieres Oct. 18 at 10 p.m. on TV One.

     

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  • Dr. Boyce Money: Is a Lack of Sex Grounds for Divorce?

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    I live in New York, so I get the chance to meet a lot of interesting cab drivers. I love listening to older people so I can understand the world a little bit better. One driver, a man in his late 60s, was especially candid with me about his life, his relationships and the personal choices that got him to where we were at that very moment.

    He told me that he was married young, to a beautiful woman. The driver then began a very open description of why he left the marriage. “She was throwing so much sex at me that I didn’t know what to do with it,” the driver said. “Then, after we got married, I had to beg for it and she wasn’t budging, so I told her I needed to get a divorce.”

    “A divorce?” I asked.
    “Yes, there was no point in pretending,” the man responded.
    While it may seem extreme for the man to get a divorce because he wasn’t getting enough sex, it wasn’t as if he was simply jumping from one wife to the next. A few months later, he met and fell in love with another woman, to whom he has been married for the last 35 years. They’ve produced 5 children and 9 grand children, and according to the driver, they still “get busy” every chance they get.

    Alrighty then.

    The cab driver’s story, as odd as it may seem, brings up an interesting question: Is a lack of sex grounds for divorce? Some say that it should be, since they argue that there is an implicit agreement from both parties to fulfill the needs of the other person. Some say that it is immature to leave your mate due to a lack of sex. At the same time, couples regularly cite infidelity as their grounds for splitting up. Does it make sense to agree to only have your needs met by someone who refuses to meet your needs in a satisfactory manner? Probably not.

    Legally, is a lack of sex good cause for divorce? I asked an attorney about that.

    Christopher Chestnut, a prominent attorney out of Gainesville, Florida, argues that it, “depends upon the state. For instance, Florida is a No Fault state, thus, justifiable reasoning for a divorce is not dispositive to a case. Notwithstanding, lack of sex in marriage may be a grounds for divorce in some states.”

    S. Tia Brown and I discuss sexless marriages and whether or not this gives you just cause to roll out or sneak out of your marriage. Listen up and enjoy!

    Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University and author of “Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets with your Partner in Ways that Feel Good.” To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.

     

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  • Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian Get Married: 5 Questions I’d Like to Ask

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    Today, we are going to use an interesting story in black celebrity news to teach a short lesson called “How NOT to make major life decisions.” Let’s start the conversation, shall we?

    NBA Star Lamar Odom has decided to marry Khloe Kardashian, whose sister Kim usually takes up all the family spotlight. The story goes that Khloe was hosting a “Welcome to LA Party” for new Laker, Ron Artest. Khloe allegedly ran the bill up to $3,000 and Lamar agreed to pay it. Could four weeks of love be built on a more stable foundation than money? The wedding ceremony was, in many ways, a fairytale: Celebrities everywhere, a triple arch of white roses, a serenade by the singer Babyface taking place at a private home in Beverly Hills. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire would be proud.

    But after the last piece of cake has been eaten and the wild honeymoon lovemaking is over, Lamar and Khloe then have to confront the reality of their choice. Based on what I’ve read, I’d be willing to bet a pair of Air Jordans that their marriage doesn’t last 3 years. I’d hate to rain on anyone’s romantic parade, but we’ve got to be honest when it comes to choices like this.

    Here are some questions I’d love to ask Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian:1) You’ve been dating for just a month? Are you serious? Love is a tricky thing. Most of us have been fooled by the first few weeks of a new relationship, thinking that Mr/Mrs. Right Now was Mr./Mrs. Now and Forever. There is scientific evidence that the chemical reactions in your brain during the lovemaking process are similar to mild injections of cocaine, which explains irrational behavior during the beginning and end of relationships. I don’t doubt that Lamar and Khloe are in love, but most of us know that the first month of a relationship makes it difficult to distinguish between being “in love” and being “in lust.” Why sign a legal contract until you’re completely sure?

    2) What’s up with the prenup? You DO have a prenup don’t you? I can define the word “prenup” with the following sentence: Four years, $32 million dollars. Yes, that’s the size of Lamar’s latest contract with the Lakers, and the reason I hope this 29-year old has protected his assets. Sure, Khloe’s family isn’t struggling either, but I presume that Lamar has taken the time to protect his wealth. If he hasn’t, then he deserves whatever happens as a consequence.

    3) Baby rumors anyone? After hearing that Khloe might be pregnant, some of this started to make sense. I presume that the baby belongs to Lamar, since Khloe doesn’t exactly look like she’s been carrying anybody’s baby for longer than a month. Lamar also has some baby mama drama of his own, with the children he created in a prior marriage. If you ever want a recipe for massive financial strain, try getting married too quickly and having a bunch of children in the process. It takes a few minutes to make a baby, but the child support can last a lifetime. We might be tempted to think that Lamar’s massive wealth makes child support a breeze, but the problem is that the more you earn, the more they make you pay. There’s nothing more difficult than being an ex-NBA player still paying NBA-level child support.

    4) What about your other kids Mr. Odom? When asked about the wedding, Liza Morales, Lamar’s ex-wife, sounded as if she were trying to survive a terrorist attack or a death in the family. According to TMZ, Odom’s ex-wife had this to say:

    “Yes, the circumstances over the last few weeks have been upsetting but none of my actions publicly or from the privacy of my home could be classified as a meltdown. I have maintained a brave face for my children who are my main concern and I remain strong for them.” She went on to say she has “the support of my family and friends and Lamar’s family have been nothing but supportive of me and the kids during this difficult time. I wish Lamar nothing but happiness we all deserve to be happy.”

    What’s also interesting is that Lamar’s other kids didn’t come to the wedding. I wonder if Khloe can smell the ensuing drama?

    OK, now that we’ve used Lamar and Khloe’s situation as our case study on how NOT to make major life choices, let’s find our true teachable moments (you know I don’t just do celebrity stuff unless there is a lesson in there somewhere):

    The bottom line is this: Marriage is a serious decision, not something that should leave you focused on the elegance of the ceremony or the romance of being able to pick out bridal gowns. Some of us get so excited about the idea of having marital legitimacy that we forget the fundamental truth that LOVING together means LIVING together. If you haven’t known someone long enough to be sure you can live with them, then you probably don’t know if you can ever truly love them.

    Secondly, we must be aware of the drug of lust, in which the chemical highs of sex can lead us to make damaging life choices. Many a celebrity has been left financially devastated by poor relationship choices in their 20s and 30s. Finally, if people have lives as complicated as Khloe and Lamar, at least a year of study is necessary to figure out if they can cope with all the complex externalities of each other’s personal lives: baby mama drama, professional issues, addictions, financial habits, etc. If you marry someone after a month and find out later that they have serious problems you can’t deal with, you only have yourself to blame.

    This is not just a lesson for Khloe and Lamar, but a lesson for all of us. If you claim that you never made mistakes when you were young and in love, then you are probably just a big ol liar.

    Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University and author of “Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets with Your Partner in Ways that Feel Good.” To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.

     

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