Filed under: Personal Finance, Dr. Boyce Money
This video below answers an important question that many of us may end up confronting at some point in our lives: If you are engaged to be married and the engagement doesn’t work out, do you have to give the ring back? The answer is “yes” and “no,” depending on the state in which you live.
There are other questions about nuptials that make you say “hmmmm?”
1) If you give a gift to someone who has gotten married, do they get to keep the gift if they either cancel the wedding or get divorced shortly thereafter?
2) Is it tacky to specify that your gift is conditional, meaning that you’re going to take it back if the wedding doesn’t happen or the marriage ends too quickly?
3) What if you spend a wad of cash attending someone’s wedding, only to find that the bride and groom get cold feet? Do they owe you a refund?
4) Does possession of the ring depend upon who called off the wedding? For example, if the prospective groom calls off the wedding, should he then be obligated to give up the ring too?
Christopher Chestnut, a prominent attorney out of Florida, states that ” Marital law is state specific, thus law governing marriage and divorce differ depending upon the state. However, in many states an engagement ring is considered a gift, consequently, a legal claim for return of a ring is likely to be unsuccessful.”
I’d love to hear your stories and take on this issue, but here is a quick run down on my own thoughts:
-Yes, it is tacky to specify a wedding gift as being conditional upon going through with the ceremony. If you are worried about losing your money, then don’t buy an expensive gift.
– A gentleman would not ask for his ring back if the engagement is called off, but a true lady would not try to keep the ring either. Think carefully about the integrity of the person you choose to marry. If you are the one who calls off the engagement, then you are effectively the one who is in breach of the contract, which then specifies that you should arguably be the person who takes the loss. To share a personal experience, I was once engaged to an amazing and beautiful woman, and when the engagement was mutually called off, the loss of our love far outweighed the value of any simple piece of jewelry. She gave me the ring back, but I didn’t even think to ask for it. This was a reflection of her character.
– When it comes to traveling for another person’s wedding, everyone is taking a risk. The cost is high and you aren’t likely to get your money back. If the person is a good friend, just write off the financial loss as the cost of preserving your friendship.
In the video below, an attorney breaks down the legalities of rings and marriages. Enjoy!
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University and author of “Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets with Your Partner in Ways that Feel Good.” To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.
