Filed under: Personal Finance, Dr. Boyce Money
I live in New York, so I get the chance to meet a lot of interesting cab drivers. I love listening to older people so I can understand the world a little bit better. One driver, a man in his late 60s, was especially candid with me about his life, his relationships and the personal choices that got him to where we were at that very moment.
He told me that he was married young, to a beautiful woman. The driver then began a very open description of why he left the marriage. “She was throwing so much sex at me that I didn’t know what to do with it,” the driver said. “Then, after we got married, I had to beg for it and she wasn’t budging, so I told her I needed to get a divorce.”
“A divorce?” I asked.
“Yes, there was no point in pretending,” the man responded.
While it may seem extreme for the man to get a divorce because he wasn’t getting enough sex, it wasn’t as if he was simply jumping from one wife to the next. A few months later, he met and fell in love with another woman, to whom he has been married for the last 35 years. They’ve produced 5 children and 9 grand children, and according to the driver, they still “get busy” every chance they get.
Alrighty then.
The cab driver’s story, as odd as it may seem, brings up an interesting question: Is a lack of sex grounds for divorce? Some say that it should be, since they argue that there is an implicit agreement from both parties to fulfill the needs of the other person. Some say that it is immature to leave your mate due to a lack of sex. At the same time, couples regularly cite infidelity as their grounds for splitting up. Does it make sense to agree to only have your needs met by someone who refuses to meet your needs in a satisfactory manner? Probably not.
Legally, is a lack of sex good cause for divorce? I asked an attorney about that.
Christopher Chestnut, a prominent attorney out of Gainesville, Florida, argues that it, “depends upon the state. For instance, Florida is a No Fault state, thus, justifiable reasoning for a divorce is not dispositive to a case. Notwithstanding, lack of sex in marriage may be a grounds for divorce in some states.”
S. Tia Brown and I discuss sexless marriages and whether or not this gives you just cause to roll out or sneak out of your marriage. Listen up and enjoy!
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University and author of “Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets with your Partner in Ways that Feel Good.” To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.