Tag: Ashton Kutcher

When I think of a cougar, I think of an independent, hot older woman, a woman who looks really hot for her age. She’s a woman that younger men, who we call cubs, tend to like, and she likes younger men because she has as much energy if not more than them. A cougar-in-training, or c.i.t., is a woman in her thirties who likes younger guys. They’re considered pumas. Cougars are women over 40. A lot of people are saying that pumas and cougars have this rivalry between them, because pumas are a little bit younger and they can get more guys. I call pumas cougars-in-training because I think that’s a better term for them. I’m not trying to take away from cougars at all, because I think they’re the bomb. What kind of gets on my nerves is when people talk about cougars in the media. They’re always like, “She’s such a cougar, always on the hunt, preying on younger men.” When a lot of people talk about cougars in the media, what they’re really talking about are hot and horny older women that prey on younger men. That is one type of cougar.

Regarding people’s misconceptions about cougars, don’t you think that has to do with the literal definition of a cougar? They’re predators that hunt other animals for food.

The majority of women that I either hang out with or know are cougars. Some maybe want men just for sex, but some of them want relationships. The thing about cougars that people don’t really understand is that there are a lot of different types of cougars, like any other woman. There are women that just want to get it poppin’ and there are women that want relationships. There are so many different types of cougars. You can’t really label them as one thing.

So, how do you deal with the term cougar and its connotations?

We’re not sugar mamas here. We’re not trying to pay anyone’s way. We’re just dating and seeing where it goes. The point I want to make is that these are not women that are out there every night wearing low-cut tops and tight skirts, trying to snag a young guy and do him. Courteney Cox’s show, I haven’t seen it, but I heard that it really kind of reaffirms the negative stereotypes about cougars — the botox and all that. The word “cougar” makes a lot of cougars, especially black cougars, self-conscious about the label for one reason or another. A lot of cougars are scared off by the term, and they want to keep things private.

What is it about cougars that young men are attracted to?

Look, if a woman is 50 years old and she looks 50 and she’s not put together, she’s not going to get a hot guy. There is a reason why Demi Moore got Ashton Kutcher. Cougars are at a point in their lives where they’re extremely self-confident and stable in their lives. I throw cougar parties in the city, and I invite cougars-in-training between 30 and 40 years old. The majority of the guys that come to my parties are young professional guys. They like the professional older woman look. A lot of the guys tell me they love a cougar’s confidence. I hope I don’t offend you, but they tell me a lot of the women in their twenties who they’ve dealt with don’t know what they want and are insecure, which may or may not be true.

Do you catch any flack from younger women?

Yeah, sometimes, but I get more flack from older men. From younger women, I don’t get as much flack as I get, “Go on girl. Do your thing.” Because, I think it’s empowering for all women. At the end of the day, we’re all going to get older, and, unfortunately, the way that this society looks at older women is not good. But women are changing the game now. If you look at 20 years ago, women on TV, when they were in their forties they were matronly. There weren’t many actresses over 40 that were hot sexpots. Now, we’ve got Halle Berry. Look at Heidi Klum. Women are staying hot a lot longer than they used to. While we shouldn’t place all of our values on looks, I do believe in taking care of yourself from the inside out. Even Michelle Obama talks about that. She says that she gets up every day at 5 a.m. to work out, because she’s like, “I know when I look good, I feel good.” That’s real. And that should be for men, too.

You brought up two points that I want you to elaborate on: How society views older women and also the flack you receive from older men. Do you think cougars are turning gender stereotypes on their heads?

I did a radio show on cougars and guess who was calling in all upset? Older men. They were so mean. One of the cougars on the show said she was attracted to younger guys because she thought they took better care of themselves, had more energy and were more attractive than older men. The older men were calling in like “I’m 50 years old, and I have the stamina of a 25-year-old.” They were offended. A lot of older men feel that they are being rejected, which is not the case. I mean, how do you think that women feel? It happens all the time with men. They trade up. They’re with a woman for 20 years. They’re married to her and have a great life with her. Then they get divorced, and the next wife is 10 years younger, 20 years younger. The woman gets blamed. It’s “she let herself go.” Meanwhile, the guy is 50 and bald. I mean, listen, who let who go? It happens all the time. No one says anything about it. It’s time for us to do a switcheroo. My goal is to empower mature women. I prefer the term mature over older. But it’s like a sisterhood.

You mentioned earlier that cougars are attracted to younger guys for their energy. But if you’re in a long-term relationship with a younger guy, he’s obviously going to get older. His energy level may not be the same as when he was younger. What happens then?

I never thought about that. For the woman who is looking to be with somebody for the long haul, regardless of what happens, the guy is still going to be younger than her. So, he’s still probably going to have as much or a little bit more energy. No one stays 25 forever. Unfortunately, we all get older.

Tell me about your show ‘COUGARS NYC.‘

The show is a docu-soap. That’s what I term it. It’s reality. It’s along the lines of the ‘Real Housewives.’ It’s about the lives of four women. Four real-life cougars on a hunt for love in the jungles of New York City. The cast members are Meli’sa Morgan, Henshi Gorodetsky, Hayne Suthon and Shahla Husain. These are women that are all at least 40. They’re all fabulous. All of them are successful in their own careers. They’re confident, independent and they’re intelligent. They’re really fun and funny and have totally different lives. They’re out there looking to date. Sort of like ‘Sex and the City,’ but for cougars.

What has been your experience as a cougar-in-training in the city?

Well, I just lost a ton of weight. I lost like 100 pounds over 19 months. I’ve been at my goal weight for six months. Ever since I lost weight, I’ve been getting in on a bit, been on a couple dates. The other day, this guy that was 19 years old approached me. I told him I was flattered, but he was a little too young for me.

How has losing weight impacted your dating life?

First of all, I have a lot more confidence. It’s different, because now I have to worry about guys approaching me because they think I’m hot. I don’t want that to be the only thing. When I was big, everything was about my personality, and my personality had to really shine, because men weren’t trying to look at me any kind of other way. Losing weight has made me realize how shallow people are. When I was overweight, people didn’t open doors for me. People didn’t really look at me on the street. There wasn’t a whole lot of eye contact going on. And now, it’s a different story.