Filed under: Personal Finance, Dr. Boyce Money
As I prepare for an appearance on ABC News to talk about money and relationships, I thought I would share the answers to some of my questions that were asked of me by the producers. Perhaps this can be valuable information that can be used to help others. There is more in my book, Financial Lovemaking, which goes deeply into the struggles that couples have when negotiating the challenging task of merging love and money together.
1) What do Love and Money have in common?
People think it’s taboo to mix love and money in a conversation, but it’s not. It’s actually essential that you do so. Loving together means living together. In most relationships, you spend more time talking about functional aspects of life, such as paying the bills and purchasing decisions than you spend on “lovey-dovey” stuff. Also, like making love, merging your assets involves sharing something of value with another person. Similar to the act of sharing your body, merging your assets with someone else can either be a fulfilling experience or a devastating one, depending on who you choose as your partner.
2) What are the biggest mistakes couples make when it comes to managing love and relationships?
I can list some common mistakes very simply: Not communicating about money, stepping into something without knowing what you’re getting into. Not being honest with yourself or your partner. Allowing love to dominate your logic when it comes to determining if someone is right for you. Not critically analyzing the spending, saving, borrowing and investing habits of your partner and how this is going to play out in the long-term. Not analyzing the long-term earning potential of your partner and determining if you are comfortable with it.
3) What does it mean for a couple to “get financially naked with your partner?”
In regular love, you eventually have to get naked. That means the person sees your physical assets and liabilities. The same should be done financially: you and your partner should share debt levels, income levels, spending habits, credit scores, perceptions of money and all the things that your partner needs to know. The key to making good love is communication and the same is true for financial lovemaking as well.
4) Is financial lovemaking only a topic for couples or those seeking relationships?
No. Part of the lovemaking process means learning to love yourself. That means understanding your own relationship with money and how you are going to reach your own financial goals. Good financial health is not just for the benefit of current and future partners, it is also important for you. Additionally, financial lovemaking affects how money and relationships merge in all kinds of scenarios: with your children, relatives, friends, etc. By being financially healthy, you are ready to merge assets in an effective way when the right situation comes along.
5) How does bad financial lovemaking spread beyond your significant other? What about other offspring, relatives, etc?
Many financial lovemaking problems come from our children and parents. If you don’t raise your children to be financially independent, they can become liabilities during retirement rather than assets. If you don’t know how to manage your financial relationships with loved ones, you might find yourself being drained in a way that frustrates both you and your partner. Love is something that permeates every dimension of our lives, so effectively managing our money can be a tool toward making good love.
6) What is a “life portfolio” and what do you mean when you say that “our most significant financial assets in life having nothing to do with money?”
The most valuable things in your life are usually non-financial: your health, your happiness, your love and your time. All of these things were granted to us from birth and have nothing to do with money. Many times, I see people destroying the most valuable assets in their lives, all in the pursuit of money, and I find that to be sad. Money should be a tool for the enhancement of that which is most valuable to you, not a weapon to destroy the things that matter.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University and author of the book, “Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets with Your Partner in Ways that Feel Good.” To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.
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